Ask any Pasadena divorce attorney and they'll tell you that $750 million is a whopper of a settlement. And that's exactly what several online media organizations are reporting Elin Woods will be walking away with from her soon-to-be ex-husband, golf superstar Tiger Woods. Sources close to the couple say the ink is almost dry on a divorce deal that would finally put an end to a marriage rocked by rumors of dozens of mistresses, sexual addiction, and domestic violence since last November.

The couple has been in negotiations for months; they allegedly hit a roadblock when a very aggressive divorce lawyer was representing Elin from California. Elin changed representation a few months ago and insiders say that the new legal team has sped along the divorce process. Both parties are said to be committed to ending the marriage as quickly as possible. Also, the general tone between Tiger and Elin has changed these days, reports Radar Online. The angry exchanges have been silenced and communication between the two is strictly limited to the needs of the children. Tiger and Elin are said to communicate primarily through staff members like nannies or personal assistants. The two were recently spotted at their daughter's birthday party and while witnesses describe the interaction as "barely civil," it is definitely an improvement.

The sad end for Tiger and Elin arrives nearly seven months after the car accident and domestic disturbance that opened a Pandora's box of marital discord and drama. Week after week a parade of porn stars, strippers and waitresses came forward, all saying that they had had affairs with Woods. This media circus forced Elin to return to her native Sweden with the children until things settled down. Elin reportedly forced Tiger to attend a sexual addiction rehabilitation facility and the couple was rumored to be heading for reconciliation. But peace talks for Elin and Tiger allegedly went out the window when Tiger returned to professional golf.

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Talk about blind-sided: The tabloids have been panting for weeks over the possibility of a reunion between Sandra Bullock and Jesse James. Gossip mavens wondered if she had forgiven him, or if the couple's newly-adopted son brought them back together. They wondered why they've been seen together recently. Well, wonder no more. According to Radar Online, Sandra Bullock pulled a fast one on the press and quietly signed divorced papers on Monday in Texas. The divorce papers, which were filed on April 23 in a Travis County court, were signed by both parties and ordered sealed, meaning the documents will not be released publicly.

Sandra certainly won't be needing divorce advice in Pasadena. She and her lawyers worked faster than the careening bus from Speed, the movie that launched her career, to get the divorce finalized. Bullock is said to be pursuing adoption of baby Louis as a single parent. Louis was adopted by the couple in January; the pair had started the adoption process nearly four years ago. Bullock told People magazine Louis' sock kept falling out of her purse on the evening of the Academy Awards but no one noticed. The actress told a very small number of family members and friends of the adoption, although most of her inner circle learned about Louis with the rest of the world in April. There is no word as to whether a custody arrangement will be reached with James or if he will be a part of Louis' life.

The finalization of the divorce brings to close one of the most shocking Hollywood scandals of recent years. News of James' infidelity spread like wildfire just weeks after Bullock had won the best actress award for the film Blind Side. Things went from bad to worse when James' mistresses like "Nazi stripper" Michelle Bombshell McGee came out of the woodwork with tales of affairs with James. Bullock, who has appeared at a couple of awards shows recently, has been largely in hiding since the story broke in March.

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During times of stress like divorce the first thing to fly out the window is our diet. We seek comfort in cheesy pizza, bottles of red wine and pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Couple that with trips to the drive-thru on our way to our family lawyer in Pasadena and you have a recipe for diet disaster. While junk food provides some distraction and is certainly easy to find, it could be the worse thing to do while going through a divorce.

Recently, nutrition experts have been buzzing about foods and vitamins that can actually help us during divorce and other stressful events. Foods rich in Vitamin B top the must-have list, as the super vitamin is nature's way of providing energy while naturally regulating blood sugar levels that can get out of whack during stress. Some foods rich in Vitamin B include broccoli, lentils and fresh citrus fruit. Vitamin C also lends a hand the natural way during divorce. Eating foods like tomatoes and melons that are packed with Vitamin C can help us reduce high blood pressure while providing immunity with antioxidants. Magnesium also helps cut down stress levels; found in whole grains and fresh seafood, Magnesium has been shown to aid insomnia as it naturally encourages muscle relaxation.

Things to avoid during divorce include foods high in cholesterol, high in caffeine and large amounts of alcohol. Instead, doctors recommend long, vigorous walks that can stimulate endorphin production. Walking and hiking are also great escapes from your divorce to-do list. Yoga is another miracle cure for stress. The thousands-of-years-old exercise specializes in deep breathing and clearing the mind of worry. Yet no healthy meal plan or fitness regime is effective if you're not getting enough sleep. Studies show that lack of proper sleep can actually increase stress and more serious ailments like anxiety and even heart attacks.

So grab a bottle of water instead of vodka and replace that burger with a big salad and a good night's rest. Your health and your divorce may depend on it.

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When looking for divorce advice in Pasadena online, the choices can be overwhelming. Like self-diagnosing an illness with the "help" of medical resource websites such as WebMD, it is absolutely necessary to avoid determining the state of your divorce by spiraling into Internet-induced hysteria. But then where do we go, what do we click on and what do we avoid when researching divorce online? We've saved you the time and stress and dug up some of the best online resources to help you with your divorce.

A fantastic place to start is DivorceSupport.com. The comprehensive and no-nonsense site has been online for more than a decade and is widely considered the starting point when facing a divorce. Easy to navigate, the site is divided by state. After you have picked your location, DivorceSupport.com has downloadable legal documents, message boards where users can exchange experiences and offer advice and local listings of all the professional services needed. With an exhaustive number of articles and resources, the site delivers Divorce 101 in a straightforward and supportive manner.

For a more in-depth look at separation and divorce, Divorce360.com is worth a look. In addition to covering the legal necessities, Divorce360 has tons of articles on the emotional challenges that come along with the process. From dating and re-marrying to child well being and financial questions, there is no hot topic left uncovered. The site also offers real life divorce stories written by users and even videos devoted to the common issues that surround divorce.

There are a great many therapists and analysts who write and counsel about divorce online, yet it is hard to find one who's voice is worth listening to. DivorcedtoDazzling.com is one such site, however, which delivers the goods. Written by Canadian life coach Vanaja Ghose, Divorced to Dazzling gets to the heart of the emotional baggage taken along for the ride during divorce. Ghose speaks specifically to women to help them empower themselves after the life-changing process. Her blog goes deeply into some of divorce's trickier topics like self-esteem and addiction.

And finally, make sure to check out our ever-growing library of blogs and resources right here at Pasadena law blog. Not only can we help you find a family attorney in Pasadena but we discuss the latest divorce headlines as well as answering your questions about the process. Happy clicking!

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Here's a trend divorce attorneys in Pasadena have yet to deal with.

In Japan, where divorce is on the rise, many couples are choosing to celebrate the ending of their marriages in a one-of-a-kind ceremony with families and friends -- many of whom attended their wedding. Throughout Japan, couples are throwing one last party together to signify the end of their relationship. The craze started about a year ago when Tokyo salesman Hiroki Terai opened a divorce mansion in a small space in the city. After witnessing a friend's difficult divorce, Terai was inspired to come up with a positive way to celebrate an otherwise difficult situation. Since then, nearly 30 couples have each forked over 50,000 yen (about $600 a person in U.S. dollars) to hold a ceremony with all the fixings of a wedding to publicly end their relationship before they file for divorce. Terai says roughly 900 people have contacted him regarding the ceremony.

The most recent couple to partake in the divorce celebration said goodbye to their relationship in front of loved ones earlier this month. Mr. and Mrs. Fujii were carried in separate rickshaws to the divorce mansion. Family and friends followed behind the couple on foot to attend the ceremony, where the soon-to-be exes smashed their wedding rings with a gavel adorned with a frog's head (frogs in Japanese culture represent change). The Fujiis both expressed their happiness and relief after the ceremony was over. Dozens of similar divorce services are popping up all over Japan but Terai has garnered headlines as the country's premier divorce planner. He will be taking his service on the road later this month to perform a divorce ceremony in Seoul, Korea.

Once seen as a cultural no-no in Japan, divorce saw a record 250,000 divorces in 2008. Financial stress due to a poor economy is seen as one of the chief reasons for the increase in Japanese divorces.

LeAnn Rimes: nominated for a Grammy at 15, married at 20 and now divorced at 27. The country and pop songstress' divorce to Dean Sheremet was finalized last week. Like many young women seeking divorce help in Pasadena, Rimes is most likely relieved her long ordeal is finally over. Rimes and Sheremet separated last summer and a settlement was reached in December, just a few days after they filed for divorce. The final dissolution of the union comes after months of infidelity confessions, public trash talking and whispers of multi-million-dollar payout.

The trouble for Rimes and Sheremet began last summer. Rumors flew that the star was cheating on her spouse with Eddie Cibrian, whom she met while filming a Lifetime movie, filled the tabloids. Cibrian, who was recently fired from CSI: Miami, was also married at the time. At first the pair denied the rumors, but when Rimes and Sheremet separated more details of the affair were leaked to the public. Rimes eventually admitted to the tryst in US Weekly and apologized for hurting so many people. Cibrian and his estranged spouse Brandi Glanville are also currently divorcing. The couple has two sons. Sheremet has run the gamut from tear filled interviews to angry online declarations and has reportedly been granted spousal support.

LeAnn and Dean met in 2001 when she was the host of the Academy of Country Music Awards and he was a dancer on the telecast. Sheremet, who was also an aspiring actor, was described by LeAnn at the time as the man she knew she was going to marry. Less than year later, the pair tied the knot in Dallas. At the time of their marriage in 2002, concerns were raised that they had married too young. Nonetheless, Rimes and Sheremet appeared to be happy in the public eye, attending Hollywood events together for several years. Today, Sheremet is still pursuing an acting career while Rimes has released a new single in support of an album due to hit stores later this summer.

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The moral of the following tale? Don't hire a hit man to kill your spouse. Hire a family lawyer in Pasadena instead.

A new bill being mulled over by a California state legislative committee is seeking to remedy a dangerous loophole in the state's no-fault divorce code. As the laws stand right now, exes in California who have solicited the murder of their estranged wives or husbands still are entitled to collect financial rewards in divorce proceedings. Shockingly, the current law states that if spouses are convicted for murdering or attempting to murder their spouses, they are not entitled to a cent of the financial benefits agreed upon during divorce proceedings. But if they hire a third party to commit the act, they can still collect the victim's assets.

How this bill came about is like a storyline from daytime soap opera. The wife of Southern California police detective Bill Pomroy hired a hit man from a Las Vegas motorcycle gang to murder her husband after she had lost custody of their children. Instead of going through with the plan, the gang members called the cops. After a secretly taped phone call with the woman, she was arrested and found guilty of solicitation of murder. But thanks to the snafu in California law, the woman received $70,000 after she was released from prison as part of her divorce settlement. Sensing a severe oversight, Pomroy leaped into action to help get the new bill on the legislative floor.

In its currently considered form, the new bill hopes to put an end to financial gains for people who have tried to have their spouses murdered. Divorce laws differ in every state; in California, a couple's assets are usually split right down the middle during a divorce. Pomroy's championed bill amends the law to bar spouses who solicit the murder of their spouses from collecting any financial rewards. The assembly is set to hear this bill and others in the upcoming days.

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Before you visit your divorce attorney in Pasadena, it might be a good idea to clean up your Facebook page. According to a 2009 study conducted by Divorce-Online, nearly 20 percent of all divorces filed last year mentioned Facebook in court documents. What we post, who we "friend" and what pictures we appear in can impact our divorce cases and family members. So we've compiled a top five list of guidelines to help make your divorce and social networking easier.

1.) Keep it to Yourself: Resist the urge to change your status to "single" the minute your ex moves out. Children with Facebook pages may be hurt by brazen announcements of single-hood. Also, status changes can elicit dozens of "what happened?!?" posts on your wall, causing you to experience painful and annoying retellings of where it all went wrong. Until everything is final, keep your status on the down low.

2.) Untag and Delete: Your divorce is the perfect time to dump those embarrassing pictures that have wound up on your page. After all, those flirty pictures with you and a coworker while you were still married won't exactly help your divorce. Also, those drunken photos in Mexico can be viewed by lawyers and potential employers everywhere. If a friend has an embarrassing picture of you, send them a private message to remove it and also untag yourself from all incriminating photos.

3.) The Password is... Change: This is another "better safe than sorry" measure. Change your Facebook, email and other online passwords pronto if you're going through a divorce. We like to think our social network accounts wouldn't be plundered while going through divorce proceedings, but people can go a little crazy and it's smart to be cautious.

4.) Check Your Settings: You will undoubtedly have that one tactless friend who demands to know all the dirty details about your divorce via wall postings. Change your privacy settings that have wall posts get your approval before they can be seen by anyone else. Also, there is the option to block big mouth users from posting on your wall, too. This is a good time to also update and change the privacy settings on your kids' Facebook pages, too, in order to keep them safe from harsh words that might upset them.

5.) Reach Out: Facebook is a lot of fun, but it can also be a very useful tool during a divorce. By privately connecting with friends and family members on Facebook who have gone through divorce, you may be able to get a lot of tips, suggestions and loving support. Of course, this should be done only with those whom you trust. But the site can open doors to much needed help from loved ones around the world.

One final thought: Keep social networking in perspective. Sites like Facebook are meant to be fun, so try not to drag your complicated personal life on there. And just be thankful you won't have to split half of your Farmville possessions with your ex.

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Does it seem like all of your friends are seeking divorce advice in Pasadena? Moreover, it seems like every week a different celebrity couple is calling it quits. There may be a surprising cause for the divorce epidemic: According to psychologists and authors, divorce might just be a contagious phenomenon.

A new study conducted by political science professor James H. Fowler, a professor at the University of San Diego, along with researchers from Brown and Harvard universities, finds that like the common cold, divorce can spread like wildfire. The study found that couples that have close friends who divorce are more likely to end their marriage than ones that do not. Your decision to split may not only influences your friend but their friends, too, the study found. As Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Make Up, Don't Break Up, explains, "Yes, it's contagious because when you see people breaking up, you start to look at your own marriage."

Friends, as it turns out, are powerful influences when it comes to relationships. Folks with a divorced friend were 147 percent more likely to get a divorce than those with happily-married friends. Also interesting: Through intimate conversations that reveal martial troubles and tell of one friend's divorce, the listener may not be affected but another friend who heard of the issues second-hand is likely to be the subject of divorce.

The virus doesn't end with just friends. Siblings who witness their brother or sister go through a divorce are 22 percent more likely to get divorced than those who don't have divorced siblings. Co-workers are also a big influence on couples, Fowler says. A divorced co-worker can increase the likelihood of a fellow employee divorcing by 55 percent as opposed to an employee who works with non-divorced people. Surprisingly, people with children were less likely to be influenced to divorce by other divorced couples, the study found.

In the end, how we as individuals react to a divorce epidemic varies from case to case. "Some people can be a carrier of the disease without actually exhibiting the symptoms," Fowler says while comparing divorce viruses to the flu. "They can carry a virus but they might not get a fever or cough."

Theirs was a love made in reality television heaven (or hell, depending on how you look at it), yet Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag have apparently called it quits and very well may be seeking divorce advice in Pasadena. The Hills stars have fought separation and divorce rumors for months, but last week things took an official turn when Montag filed for legal separation in a Santa Monica, Calif., court. After attempting to file in nearby Malibu, which does not handle divorces, Montag filled the separation paperwork, citing "irreconcilable differences" as the cause, in an effort to thwart her estranged husband from being entitled to any of her future earnings.

As always with these two, the separation is just the tip of the iceberg. The blogs are filled with rumors of infidelity, battles over money and the inevitable question of how "real" this whole separation is to begin with. And to think that it seems like only yesterday we were asking how "real" the marriage was to begin with! According to RadarOnline, Montag allegedly has hired a private investigator to determine whether Pratt has been dating other women. Pratt has fired back with affair accusations of his own, claiming that Montag has been involved with her bodyguard Cougar Zank (who recently invited the blond starlet to stay in his Malibu home; Pratt subsequently fired Zank from his guard dog duties). The legal papers seem to prove the split is legit, but columnists speculate this could be yet another ploy to keep "Speidi" in the headlines.

Meanwhile, the pair also garnished headlines for being broke. Sources say the couple's wild spending on everything from designer bags to plastic surgery has completely depleted their bank account. MTV's The Hills recently wrapped its final season, and financial prospects for both Pratt and Montag are few and far between.

Although Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have not filed for divorce officially, a legal separation is not a good indicator that the couple America loves to hate will be staying together.

Last week's media bombshell of the separation of Al and Tipper Gore sent people scratching their heads and asking "what happened?" After all, most of us assume that when a marriage has lasted for more than 40 years, it's pretty much a "until death due us part" kind of union. Yet from Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins to Sean Penn and Robin Wright-Penn, the trend of long-term marriages ending in divorce is definitely on the rise. And everybody, it seems, has a belief as to why.

According to an article in the Detroit Free Press, family therapists cite several reasons for why marriages like the Gore's could end in divorce after decades of staying together. The Gore's children have now grown and some experts say that many couples wait for this to happen as to keep the family unit stable. Also, one of the couple's sons was injured badly in a car accident, and the stress of the event -- like the stresses of children with handicaps -- can cause couples to drift apart, according to therapists. Another factor is that people are living longer, so folks like the Gores as well as Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins -- in their fifties and sixties -- are ready to start new chapters at an age that was previously thought of as "the golden years." Many of theses couples also marry at very young ages, leaving little or no time for self-discovery, a project that now can be tackled later in life.

The simplest answer as to why long-term marriages end in divorce is that couples just grow apart. Sources say that it isn't unreasonable for a couple's needs, wants, dreams and goals to change after many years of marriage. Growing and changing are natural parts of relationships, and sometimes the parties involved do not share common goals as they get older. If you have grown apart from your spouse, get professional divorce advice in Pasadena today by giving us a call.

In best-selling books and on his hit National Geographic Channel show, Cesar Millan transforms the most unruly and ill-mannered dogs into loving family pets. His uncanny ability has earned him the title of the Dog Whisperer. In his own life, maybe Millan should have visited the Marriage Whisperer to get divorce advice in Pasadena. After 16 years of marriage, Millan's wife, Illusion, filed for divorce last week in Los Angeles court. According to court documents, Mrs. Millan is seeking primary physical custody of the couple's two children. The papers cite "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the divorce.

News of the split came from Millan's popular Cesar's Way website. In a message to fans, he wrote, "We are sad to announce that after 16 years of marriage we have decided to file for divorce. The decision was made after much consideration and time. We remain caring friends, and are fully committed to the co-parenting of our two boys."

Cesar Millan grew up in Mexico in a small town. There, he often was teased with the nickname "dog boy" in reference to his ever-present canine companions. Millan had a dream of becoming a famous dog trainer, so he headed to Los Angeles with $100 in his pocket. More than 20 years later, Millan has built a multi-million-dollar dog training empire that includes four best-selling books, his wildly popular cable television series, a product line for animals, a national seminar series and a magazine. Millan also boasts a list of celebrity clients like Jada Pinkett-Smith, Kathy Griffin, Denise Richards and Oprah Winfrey, who has featured him as a guest on her talk show. Cesar and Illusion also a run a non-profit organization for animals in Los Angeles.

When it comes to families with business and financial ties like the Millans, it is important to seek out our own "Divorce Whisperers" to help us sort out what otherwise could be a messy task. Contact one of our family lawyers in Pasadena today.

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We Californians are crazy in love with our animals. Los Angeles starlets are often photographed coddling their pampered pooches. The city of San Francisco prides itself on having dozens of pet-friendly resorts and hotels. Meanwhile, San Diego boasts a rich and lengthy history of protecting and preserving marine life. Naturally, the Golden State also has special legal provisions in place to protect our furry friends caught in the cross fires of divorce.

On September 11th, 2007, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed into law SB 353 which amended Family Code 6320. Under SB 353, family courts may grant exclusive care of any animal to a party. The courts also can take measures to restrain another party from taking, attacking or hurting an animal. This law aims to prevent any sort of revenge behavior taken out on a helpless animal and is treated very seriously. Participants who do not follow the rulings made under SB 353 could be fined or even jailed. A restraining order can be ordered so that one party stays away from the animal. On showing good cause, the provision grants the petitioner exclusive care of the animal or animals in question.

This being said, legally dogs, cats, lizards and all other critters are considered property so the terms of custody that apply to children are invalid when it comes to pets. Still, attorneys and judges alike have been known to step in and decide on terms of animal visitation and custody. Animals -- unlike lamps or appliances -- become members of our families, so it is no wonder that in divorce the question of who gets to keep Mittens or Rover can be highly charged and emotional. The best plan of action is to alert your legal team immediately about the animal and to enter mediation quickly to decide where the beloved pet ends up. For divorce advice in Pasadena, contact us today so we can help you protect your cherished pet.

School is almost out; for many kids, that means stocking up on their favorite books from a local library or bookstore. Highly sought after titles about young wizards, lovelorn vampires or wimpy kids are at the top of most summer reading lists. Yet for children of divorce, books can be a great way to start the conversation about this life-changing and sometimes difficult process. Online retailers like Amazon.com as well as libraries and bookstores are filled with titles that speak to kids directly about divorce.

Two Homes by Claire Masurel is a top-selling book for young children between the ages of two and five. The book, published in 2003 and illustrated by Kady MacDonald Denton, takes a unique approach to divorce. The toddler narrator of the story, Alex, is the child of divorce. The twist? He seems pretty happy. After all, Alex gets to have more of everything he loves in his life. Two sets of toys, two sets of parents who care for him and two sets of friends are some of the benefits to Alex's life. Young children will love the bright illustrations and clever text while parents will find the positive message of the story refreshing.

For the preschool and first grade set, Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child's Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce is an excellent choice. Written by Tamara Schmitz, the book introduces us to Addison, a child of divorce. Addison knows that while things are different now, his parents love him and that will never change. The heartfelt message of this book brings great comfort to kids.

Lastly, for girls 8 years old and up, Help! A Girl's Guide to Divorce and Stepfamilies is a surprisingly thorough and honest look at divorce. As part of the American Girl Library, the book tells young girls everything they need to know about divorce, from what certain terms mean to how custody works. It also includes quizzes and advice from real girls who've been caught in the middle of divorce.

Of course, grownups have hundreds of books to choose from, as well. But more often than not, they need someone to talk to and someone with solutions. For real advice concerning the Pasadena divorce process, call us today.

Her milkshake may have brought all the boys to the yard, and he may be widely considered one of hip hop's most influential artists, but Kelis and rapper Nas are now officially divorced.

A Los Angeles court granted the couple a divorce last week. The pair split in April 2009; Kelis cited irreconcilable differences in her divorce papers, which were filed just months before she gave birth to the couple's son, Knight. Since the filing, both sides have publicly spoken out about their distaste for one another and the terms of their divorce. Blogs and magazines have widely reported the showdowns since last April.

Kelis Rogers and Nasir Jones have been unable to come to terms on custody arrangements and spousal support payments. In early May, Nas begged a judge to reduce his monthly payments to Kelis, citing that he could not afford the hefty $10,000 installments. The rapper and producer also has stated that his now ex-wife has made visitation with his son impossible and that she remains uncooperative and hostile. In addition, Nas' camp has alluded to infidelity as being the primary reason for the split. Rogers, on the other hand, has stayed out of the debate for the most part, adding only that her ex owes her back child support. Nas has pled not guilty to the charges but could face jail time should a judge disagree. The case is set to go to trial later this year.

The Grammy-nominated Kelis and her rap mogul ex were married in July 2003. Other legal woes have plagued the duo along the way, including an incident outside a Florida nightclub that lead to an arrest for Kelis in 2007. Nas was arrested for DUI and possession last December and has faced other alimony disagreements with Carmen Bryan, his ex-fiancée and mother of his daughter.

Outspoken actor and Easy Rider icon Dennis Hopper passed away last week. He was 74 years old. Sadly for the Hopper family, his pending divorce to his wife, Victoria Duffy Hopper, is far from over. Filed on the actor's deathbed last January, the divorce has been saddled with bizarre allegations of abuse, theft and even torture. Before his death, Dennis claimed that even for a man like himself who had been married five times, he never had encountered a divorce like this one.

Victoria claimed that Dennis had been physically violent to her and the couple's 6-year-old daughter. The actor, on the other hand, claimed that Victoria was mentally unbalanced and was granted a restraining order against her in February. Things went from bad to worse as Victoria refused to move out of the couple's home and Dennis filed papers in court claiming that she had stolen more than $1 million of his personal art collection and refused to return it. Finally, in April a court ordered that Dennis must pay Victoria $12,000 per month in spousal and child support. Just days before the actor's death, attorneys for Dennis tried to have his life insurance policy, which listed Victoria as the beneficiary, changed. The judge denied the request.

Now that Dennis has lost his long battle with prostate cancer, the fight for his estate is brewing. He and his legal team wanted to freeze Victoria out of his estate, but the divorce was not finalized before he died. Now it's up to probate courts to decide if Victoria is due a large sum of money from his estate. Lawyers for both sides are prepared for lengthy confrontations in court to settle the matter.

Situations like the Hoppers' are sad and can be complicated. Thankfully, no one has to go through any of this alone. If you or someone you love needs help with probate advice or divorce advice in Pasadena, please contact us. We can help.

As a couple, Al and Tipper Gore battled the campaign trail, the record industry, the tabloids -- even global warming. Yet it appears they were fighting a private battle that they just can't win: After 40 years of marriage, former vice president and presidential candidate Al Gore and his loyal wife Tipper have announced they are separating.

On Monday, the couple stated via email that their long marriage was over.

"We are announcing today that after a great deal of thought we have decided to separate, " the email said. "This is very much a mutual decision and a mutually supportive process of long and careful consideration. We ask for respect of our privacy and that of our family and we do not intend to comment further." Website Politico broke the news of the email and soon after spokespeople for the couple confirmed the sad and shocking news.

The split comes as a big surprise to pundits and celebrity couple watchers alike. After all, the Gore's marriage has never been wrought with scandal like John and Elizabeth Edwards' or subject to tongue wagging speculation like that of Bill and Hillary Clinton's. Furthermore, the Gores appeared to be one of Washington's most stable and loving couples. Their devotion was immortalized by a famous passionate kiss at the podium of the 2000 Democratic National Convention.

Since losing the election in 2000, Al Gore has devoted himself to environmental causes surrounding the issue of global warming. This work spawned a best-selling book and an Oscar-winning film, both entitled An Inconvenient Truth. Gore also filled his time with entrepreneurial endeavors and business ventures like Generation Investment Management, a sustainable investment program, and the co-founding of Current TV, a cable network in which he also serves as chairman. Additionally, Gore works as a director for both Apple and Google. Tipper is a photographer and briefly considered running for Senate in her home state of Tennessee when the the couple returned after living in Washington.

Al and Tipper Gore have four adult children and three grandchildren.

You can't always choose what happens to you, but you can choose how to react to -- and how you'll feel about -- your circumstances. Here's how to use the magic of optimism to create a positive future for yourself. By Dr. Dwight Webb This article is about being optimistic about your own life with regard to those issues that are within your control, namely your attitudes about circumstances, your choices, and your behaviors. That's a lot! Being blindly optimistic about circumstances that are beyond your control will certainly create conditions for experiencing disappointments. But for those many conditions that are within your control, you'll find that optimism works very well for you. Optimism Is Learned Optimism is magic because it pays off and feeds on itself, begetting more optimism. An example of this circularity is: you feel good about life because you feel good about yourself, and you feel good about yourself because you feel good about life. It is like a two-cycle reciprocating engine, and choosing positive attitudes is your fuel. For example, believing that life is good and that you have many opportunities sets up the condition for taking responsibility to create desirable outcomes that result from your positive action. Your view of the world is validated because you look for good everywhere, are open to it, willing to work to make it happen, and find delight in it each time you prove yourself right. We learn our life-explanatory style according to what pays the greatest dividends. When you were growing up, if you were rewarded with lots of admiration and praise and received status from your family and your friends when you behaved in a cynical or skeptical manner, your behavior and your attitudes were shaped by those reinforcing payoffs. Likewise if you were given lots of admiration, praise, and status when you were positive and hopeful, these optimistic behaviors and attitudes are probably still with you today. Belief Systems Are Self-Generating Belief systems are like the four seasons, where each season prepares the ground and conditions for the next. There's a built-in interdependency to the cycle. If your family and friendship support network has reinforced your skepticism or negativism, you'll have to work hard to build faith and confidence in yourself and in your world. If you find yourself with a lot of negative self-talk, you'll need to counter your negativity with affirmations in order to change your belief system. For example: Negative Voice: I was betrayed and I'm not going to trust being intimate again. Countering Optimistic Voice: My hurt is from a specific experience, and it doesn't mean that intimacy should be avoided. Affirmation: I will find another person to love with whom I can build a life. If you have been discouraged rather than encouraged, how do you regain faith and build confidence? How do you rebuild that hope inside that has been crushed and buried, covered over with doubt and cynicism? Most adults have experienced some disappointments and failures along the way. We're told that these are good lessons for dealing with the realities of the world. To be optimistic and idealistic is often considered to be naive by adults who are jaded by their own disappointments. These are people who have long since given up their own sense of hope, and they don't like to see it in others. Many men in particular have surrounded themselves with armor to protect themselves from anyone who would put them down for their optimism and idealism. But it's important to consider the source of such criticism, and to realize that those who judge you are really saying more about themselves than they are about you. If you empower them by believing them, you're at anchor in their harbor of limitations. Ten Steps to Harness Optimism The following ten steps will be a guide for you to build your optimism and to restore your faith and confidence in yourself and in your world of experience.
1.	Examine Your Belief System Examine your attitudes, values, opinions, priorities and all the behaviors that go into making up who you are as a person. Are they working for you? Do they keep you stuck? Are you open to grow and to tap into your potential? Tunnel vision, or rigid and absolute thinking, will close out your options and increase your chances for "psycho-sclerosis" or "hardening of the categories." Change will require you to entertain new ideas and divergent thinking. It will require you to be experimental as you weigh and try out your options. It will require you to look within. Change is never easy. Patterns of behavior are difficult to repattern, but change is possible if you're willing to believe it and willing to try it. The sidebar, "Polarized Viewpoints," (below) provides you with an opportunity to see yourself on a variety of levels. We all fall somewhere between the poles of these perspectives of our world as we experience it. Where you are on these optimism vs. pessimism issues will affect your attitudes about recovery and well-being. A pessimistic person will expect the outcome to be negative in order to fulfill his or her prediction that things will turn out badly. The optimist, on the other hand, doesn't expect any outcome that isn't to his or her advantage. You wouldn't be reading this article and trying to recover from your loss if you had not already decided that you want to take advantage of your optimism and faith in yourself, even if that hope is just a glimmer at this point. Admit that you do hope that your life will work out for you very well indeed. Admitting it will help make it happen.
2,	Take Responsibility to Choose Ask yourself: "What do I really want? Am I willing to commit myself to going after it?" While I was single, I knew that I wanted to be in a committed, intimate, and spiritually bonded relationship. I knew that I'd look for that and be open to it. I also knew that while luck might enter in, a large part of what I get in my life experience is what I plan and take responsibility for creating. Making clear these judgments of what I really wanted put them in focus for me. The following is a journal entry four months after my partner, Sally, left me. "When I wake up in the morning, I have choices. Ultimately I am free to choose to be happy or to be sad. Happiness feels better! My goal is happiness, which is to get what I want, or can imagine I want, without interfering with the rights of others." Looking back on this journal entry, I see how holding that positive sense of freedom of choice helped me to get on with my life. Every morning, you have considerable influence on how that day will go for you by the way you choose to view your circumstances and your options. You must be willing to own and claim those value judgments that define life the way you'd like it to be.
3.	Exercise In a journal, write down several positive things that you'd like to achieve. Underscore the affirmation that highlights your responsibility. For example: "I want to be well and happy, and to share my life with an intimate partner. I will work to achieve this." For now, focus on two or three things that will help you achieve your goal, and write them down. Repeat these affirmations several times daily for a week or until you begin to see and feel a shift toward really believing these affirmations, and find yourself behaving in ways to make them happen. Believe What You Want is Possible Following the recovery path may require you to change your belief system. Before you can know what you really want, you must examine what you believe is possible. You need to believe that you're going to be well and happy; that you'll be fine. Own this feeling and honor the belief that it's possible. There may be unexplored negative feelings you have about your self-worth. If there is a destructive voice within you that says: "You don't deserve to be happy in a love relationship," you need to examine where this voice is coming from. Ultimately, you'll have to counter that negative message with a positive rebuttal: "Yes, I can have happiness in a love relationship, and I deserve it." Our belief systems are shaped by our family and cultural architects who draw our boundaries. They make us feel safe and tell us who we are. When we challenge our beliefs, we threaten the very fundamental view we hold of ourselves: where we stand, how we are known, and how we define ourselves in the world. Challenging your long-held belief systems will not be easy. There's an internal sense that says we should be true to ourselves and all the beliefs we hold. Anything less than fidelity to ourselves is seen as a very fundamental betrayal. At the same time, there's an intuitive voice in you that says: "The old ways are not working." A new emerging voice is saying: "I need to change some things about myself. I can alter my attitudes and my behavior if I choose to." Then there's a forceful voice in you that says: "I can grow -- not just survive." You'll need to be disciplined in practicing these affirmations because any protective armor you carry will fend off the threat of change. For men, this armor may be quite thick for defending against feelings.
4.	Exercise Take time to be alone and to let yourself daydream and imagine your full and happy recovery. Do something good for yourself each day that will help you reach the goals you envision. Get an Image of What You Want We all have the ability to visualize ourselves in time and space. For example, you can easily get a picture of yourself having breakfast this morning. You can also look ahead and see yourself in an activity next summer. These images, which sometimes flow as daydreams, are the stuff from which our psychic energy goes forward. We begin to get pictures of what we would like. Here is another journal entry. "I must first imagine that much is possible. As I get a picture of what I want, I begin to see the steps it will take to get me there." As we daydream, we get ideas and gather images; we begin to form goals and build a coherent and believable picture of the way we want our lives to be. The images we hold will tend to be fulfilled unconsciously because we will intuitively behave in ways to act out what we see on our unconscious screen. If we see blaming and anger, we will project these onto all our experiences, and tend to dwell on them. If we project light, love, power, and joy, then this is what we'll plant and what we'll reap. Those who won't let themselves imagine or believe there can be a better way probably won't see opportunity when it presents itself.
5.	Chase Out Fear and Doubt To adopt a pessimistic view of your world is to limit the range of your possibilities. If you're full of skepticism, you're essentially telling yourself: "It will never work! Stop exploring and trying. Don't dream of anything better." Negative Self-Talk Positive Self-Talk I can't do it. I think I can do it. It will never work. Something will work out. It's hopeless. I'll find a way. It's no use. If I work, I can do it. Our culture gives us clichés to let ourselves off the hook. For example, we learn to say: "I'm doing the best I can," and "Nothing can be done," or "What will be, will be." We don't have to try: we can choose to remain helpless and to suffer the disappointment that we expect. Consider the examples of how you put yourself down listed in the box "Some Ways We Program Negativity", and write your own unique self-put-downs in your journal. Noticing these negative or cynical attitudes in yourself will help you begin to screen out that which is self-defeating. If you predict failure, you build a prophecy that is self-fulfilled. Here are some examples of how you can chase out negative self talk. When we give value to a particular belief, we're in effect programming our minds, just as surely as we can program computers. If I tell my brain computer that "I'm okay," then my behavior (print out) will be okay. This is the same reason that placebos work: we believe they'll work, and our body cooperates with our belief. Belief is a powerful program we write for ourselves, and sometimes these beliefs are distorted. Ultimately, your negative voices will feed any depressing thoughts you may have. The positive voices, on the other hand, will instill hope and help you to create images that focus on what you can do to make good things happen.
6.	Create Rebuttals All put-downs are destructive and full of distortion. If you're saying negative things to yourself, you must work diligently to create rebuttals -- writing out a new script expressing just the opposite of any negative programming. For example: "I am good! I am worthy! I am competent!" and so on. Even if you don't yet believe it, write it out and put your name on it. "I, _________________________ (place your name here), am a good person." If we don't offer rebuttals to pull us away from our negative self-statements, we'll remain locked into our depression and low self-esteem.
7.	Expect Positive Outcomes We tend to get what we expect. We filter all our experiences through our belief system, holding onto that which supports our beliefs. If I believe the world is not abundant, then I won't expect to find much. If I expect the worst in life, I'll likely find it because I'll be looking for it at every crossing. For example, if you believe that people can't be trusted, you'll find evidence to prove yourself right. We like to be right, because: it helps us save face, it makes life more predictable if we can find or create evidence that our view of the world is accurate, it helps us feel strong because we can point out our convictions that have been validated, and we might even be admired and respected for it. Expectations play a huge part in the direction our lives take. People tend to perform and behave very much as they believe they're capable of doing. If you believe that you're not very capable, or entitled, it's likely that this is how you'll behave. The opposite is also true: if you believe that the best outcomes will occur, you'll likely find them because you'll be looking for them and trying to create them. If you expect good things as you face new experiences, you'll put out positive energy that attracts other people, and you'll increase your chances for getting what you want. This is not to say that every success factor is within our total control (there are clearly outside circumstances), but in long-range matters of our own choosing, in which we define how we would like to be, our expectations play a significant role.
8.	Be Open and Flexible Being open and flexible means avoiding black-and-white, right-and-wrong thinking. Avoid words like "always" and "never" because they're too rigid, particularly if they're uttered publicly. Here are examples of moving toward more flexible self-talk. If you're feeling betrayed, you might say: Rigid: "I don't trust this person, and I never will trust anyone again." Notice the absolute "never" and the generalization "anyone." More Flexible: "I don't trust this person now, and perhaps I'll never trust him or her again." Notice that this statement is time specific -- "now," suggesting I might feel differently later. "Perhaps," leaves things in the maybe. This statement is specific to "him" or "her," and not generalized. There are no fixed or negative predictions. Options Are Open: "I have been hurt by this person, and I am choosing, for now, not to trust him or her." Notice the specific feeling -- "hurt" -- the decision -- "I choose" -- and the specific person -- "him" or "her." In this latter case, the feeling behind the mistrust is recognized. One of the reasons men in particular often take dogmatic, absolute positions is that we've been conditioned to take a tough stand. We have learned that if we're flexible, we'll be seen as wishy-washy, having no convictions. Men feel that such a judgment will lower their status with their peers, their power, and in an evolutionary sense, their survival. Our consciousness is shifting, and our culture is moving away from this bravado that has been carried over from pre-historic times. The truth is that most of our friends won't condemn us for being open and flexible.
9.	Keep the Faith Faith captures our most deeply-held human thoughts, feelings, and convictions. It encompasses hope and is founded in the belief that a) the world is good and can be trusted, and b) I am capable of creating and deserve to have that which I want. Holding these beliefs is an inner expression of my faith. As you change your belief system toward being more optimistic, you may feel at times that your confidence is a thin mask and that your faith could be shaken. In these moments, affirming your intentions will help you project confidence and strengthen your belief in yourself. Others will pick up on the optimism you project, and will see your good fortune as no surprise. The opposite is also true: if you project doubt, others will believe you don't really feel that you deserve positive things to happen. Here's an affirmation: "I'm entitled to choose -- and get -- that which is in my best interest." As you affirm this, you'll come to believe that you deserve what you choose. Fear may be an unconscious way in which we sabotage ourselves. If I'm afraid to become intimate, this fear will be communicated to my partner as a lack of faith in myself and in her. I may be signaling this fear and self-doubt as a way of preventing me from loving again in order to protect myself. The same is true if I am afraid that my partner might leave me. I would be, to some extent, predicting it and expecting it. If I project fear, insecurity, and uncertainty about being in a relationship, I present myself as being unworthy of equal respect and mutuality in a relationship. Cast out fear!
10.	Take Responsibility for Making it Happen Loss can be a powerful and accelerated time for learning and growth. There is a void created where there was once a rich experience. This gradual emptying out and fading of memories connected to the past creates the conditions for rebirth. We come to realize that if we are to survive and to carry on, we must do something. We must act! Our personal crisis requires us to somehow create a new experience. "There are so many things to see, activities and avenues to pursue, people to meet that I wonder how I will find the time to do all that I would dream of doing. I can go for a walk on the beach or in the woods; go to church; read a book; call a friend; go to a movie, museum, or concert; pet my dog; water my plants; listen to music, and on and on..." In the above journal entry, I focused on life's possibilities to avoid feeling victimized. I realize that I, like others, am a complex person with edges of growth in being a better parent, in being a more effective professor and counselor, artist and musician, builder and whatever. All of these dimensions challenge me. Lots to do.
Claim this Affirmation "There are unlimited possibilities of things to do and places to go. I am aware that I make choices about prioritizing and providing balance in my life. I realize that the decisions I make and the activities I choose are totally my responsibility." Getting Ready for the Next Step It is to your advantage to assume an attitude of optimism about recovering from your loss. Since your brain is a lot like a computer, you program yourself with optimism or pessimism. The printout you get in life depends on the beliefs, attitudes, intentions, and decisions you put into your computer-like brain. The quality of your output is equal to the quality of your input. Your attitude toward life has a lot to do with what you'll get out of life. If you can get your mind set on an optimistic track, all the rest will be taken care of. With optimism, there is a much greater chance that you can experience more awe, wonder, reverence, and gratitude in your life. Another Affirmation to Claim "I believe it is a plentiful world for meeting my needs and wants. I will find ways to nurture myself. I am eager to be in the world, to explore and find satisfaction in each encounter and experience in my life. As I open to my world of possibilities, I begin to let myself imagine my options. I am able to visualize choosing and finding my own best path. I expect good things for myself as I prepare to make a plan to get where I want to be." Suggested Exercises Say to yourself the following affirmations: I am a survivor. I can trust my inner wisdom and strength. I can tap into these powers within. I will let myself be hopeful and optimistic, knowing that this will bring good things to me. I can choose to become what I want to become. I believe these things to be true. Make a list of any negative beliefs you hold about yourself. Be willing to suspend these beliefs for one week, and keep extending it. Catch yourself in self-discounting and refuse to put yourself down. Be open to listening to optimistic viewpoints that oppose your negative self-talk and make a list of rebuttals to counter your discounting. Look for negative self-talk and catch yourself doing it and immediately say: "Stop it...these things are not true." Then counter with a positive statement that affirms you as a person. For example: I am a good person. I am worthy and I deserve love. I am confident and intelligent and I can do many things. I am unique and have many wonderful characteristics. I choose to be happy and to celebrate life. Picture yourself being successful in getting what you want. This article has been edited and excerpted from 50 Ways to Love your Leaver: Getting on with your Life After the Breakup by Dr. Dwight Webb. A professor of counseling at the University of New Hampshire, Dr. Webb uses his personal journey from grief to joy to illustrate this guide for those seeking to survive the end of a relationship. With compassion and insight, he offers practical exercises, expert guidance, and encouragement to help you with your healing journey.

Certified Divorce Financial Analysts offer their best tips to help you avoid some of the most common mistakes made by divorcing people. Edited by Diana Shepherd, CDFA Understand your financial and emotional limits. When you understand yourself, you are better equipped to be objective. This saves time, which leads to cost savings. If you are not prepared to look at reality - without the emotional entanglements - the outcome will never be what you need, let alone what you want. Instead of asking "why" questions, which lead to people becoming defensive, try asking questions that start with "how." For instance, asking, "How did you come to that conclusion?" leads to a discussion about process. It allows both people to step back from the brink and look at things as they are. Armand D'Alo (CFP® and CDFA™) of Oak Tree Advisory Services has worked as a financial analyst in private practice for more than 25 years. Located in Carlsbad, CA, he holds a degree in finance and family counseling from Brigham Young University. He can be reached at info@oaktreeadvisory.com. Settle out of court. When given the choice to settle at mediation or settle at trial, always try to choose the former for two reasons. First, going to trial is very expensive: typically, the only ones who win are the lawyers and experts, which leaves a smaller "pie" for the divorcing husband and wife to divide. Second, going to trial is risky because all of the decisions are left to the judge who has known the parties for a few hours at most; in mediation, the divorcing parties still have 100% control over how things will be settled (assuming they can come to an agreement). Joseph P. Mirandi (CPA, CVA, CDFA™, MST) devotes a large portion of his practice in Lakeland, FL to assisting lawyers and their clients in divorce-related matters. He also has an extensive tax practice, and is certified in preparing business valuations. He can be reached at (863) 607-4222 or via www.huttomirandi.com. Know what you have - and what you need. It is very important to know what assets you own, the value of those assets, and how they are held. This should cover everything from retirement to investment to bank accounts, as well as future pensions and social security. Make copies of your and your spouse's tax returns. These returns can help explain to a financial advisor a lot more than your income and taxes paid: they can help find assets, capital gains and losses, depreciation, and business expenses. The tax returns are also helpful in uncovering assets that a spouse might have hidden. Before splitting your assets, you should think about what you need: you must create a budget, identify which assets will help ensure your financial security, and negotiate for this. Jim Newman (AWMA, CSA, CDFA™) is the Senior Vice President - Wealth Management at Janney Montgomery Scott in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. He can be reached at (866) 226-9935. Identify your priorities. It's important to be frugal given that you have to manage the cost of separation and divorce, along with meeting your basic life needs. Try to follow a balanced approach, and don't let your pride get in the way of accepting and/or asking for help from family and friends when you really need it. If your ex-to-be is prone to unpredictable behavior, you must find a safe place for you and your children to live. Don't forego your personal security; prioritize this above other more "materialistic" items. Dr. Linda Cousineau (Ph.D., CDFA™) is a divorce survivor who is committed to helping others through the separation and divorce process through education and financial advice. In practice in Toronto, ON, she can be reached at (416) 988-2399 or via drcousineau@rogers.com. Do your financial homework. If you do your financial homework, you will be able to recognize a fair offer rather than settling for too little or rejecting a reasonable offer. Even if you have never seen a retirement plan, investment account, or bank statement, information is available if you know where to look. Contact the Human Resources Department at your spouse's employer and ask about any and all benefits. As a spouse, you are entitled to know about current and future benefits; be sure to ask if there's a pension plan in place. Review your last two or three tax returns, which will list any interest earnings, dividends, or capital gains that were reported. By comparing the financial affidavit to the tax return, you can reconcile assets and look for omissions. Finally, prepare yourself for the post-divorce lifestyle change by figuring out what your long-term needs will be and making a budget. Gina Gallo (CFP®, CDFA™) provides objective financial consultations for an hourly fee in Melbourne, FL. She can be contacted via ggallo@galloandrussell.com or www.galloandrussell.com.

Don't Let Your Emotions Rule Your Divorce Going through divorce can make you feel like the captain of a leaky boat on stormy seas - there seems to be a new crisis at every turn. But don't let uncertainty whip you into an emotional tizzy: the more frenzied your emotions, the longer the proceedings and the more costly the divorce. Here are five strategies to help you separate emotions from economics: Don't let guilt rule you. "Please release me, let me go" goes the country song, but don't give up everything to buy your freedom. Your spouse will still be unhappy, and you'll be equally unhappy when you find yourself impoverished by your foolish gesture. Don't make nice to get him or her back. Even if you hope your divorce will end in reconciliation, don't bend over backward to make it happen. Stand up for yourself and get your share. If you reconcile, that's fine, but if you don't, you'll still be able to take care of yourself financially. Leave revenge at the door. Legally, it probably doesn't matter who did wrong. Revenge is costly, and a wild rampage is bound to turn out poorly. You might even end up paying your spouse's attorney fees. Don't succumb to threats, or threaten your spouse. Money and power are emotionally linked, but you can't use money to control your spouse and get your way. Whatever you can't agree on will end up being split between your attorneys. Focus on problem-solving, not fighting. Don't let meetings with your ex turn into posturing to show who's in control or how smart you are. Settling your divorce is the problem you must confront, and it won't get solved by fighting. Ginita Wall (CPA, CFP®, CDFA™) is the author of several books, including The Way To Save, The Way To Invest, and Your Next Fifty Years. She also originated the "Second Saturday" workshop on divorce, and is the co-founder of www.wife.org (the Women's Institute for Financial Education). In practice in San Diego, CA, she can be reached at (858) 792-0524 or via www.planforwealth.com.

Pensions can be worth more than houses. Trading their share of a spouse's pension for the marital home is one of the most common mistakes divorcing people make. The marital home and the retirement plans are likely to be the largest assets in your marriage. Many people have such an emotional attachment to their home that they cannot fathom life in another house. The house, though, usually comes with high mortgage payments, maintenance and repair bills that can devastate a person's finances. Even though the value of the house might be equal to the value of the pension at the time of divorce, they are apples and oranges. A house requires repairs, maintenance, improvements, property taxes, and assessments - all of which require income; a pension, however, simply produces income. Before you become satisfied with a 50/50 division of assets, you must consider your needs for liquidity post-divorce: you can't sell a windowpane to put food on your table. It's not how many assets you have - it's what you can do with the value of those assets that matters most. Garrick G. Zielinski (CFP®, CDFA™) is president of Divorce Financial Solutions in Milwaukee, WI. He has been providing divorce financial counseling and divorce financial analysis to individuals and attorneys since 1986 and has testified as an expert witness in many court cases relating to the financial aspects of divorce. He can be reached at web@divfinsolutions.com. Make the best use of your lawyer. You can help your lawyer (and cut your costs) by making sure you have copies of all important financial documents related to your marriage, and by keeping track of expenses during the divorce process. Remember that your lawyer is not your psychiatrist: there is no point in telling your lawyer all the feelings you have towards your soon-to-be-ex-spouse. Letting your lawyer hear about your feelings will only make your wallet thinner. If you need to talk to someone, hire a psychiatrist - or talk to a friend if you don't need professional help. Finally, ask your lawyer and/or financial advisor to help you identify which decisions absolutely need to be made now, and which can wait until your emotions are under control. Big decisions made in an emotionally unstable state of mind usually turn out to be expensive and non-sustainable ones. Stacy Francis (CFP®, CDFA™) practices in New York, NY. She can be reached at (212) 374-9008.

How To Get Your Fair Share When it comes to divorce, two old adages are worth remembering: Knowledge is power, but ignorance is not bliss. The vital first step to a financially-fair divorce is to get organized as soon as possible. If you know little about your family's money situation, you must gather information and take other important financial steps: Copy and understand income tax returns and investment reports Review current pay stubs with deductions, bonuses, and expense reimbursements Establish a credit history in your own name Order a copy of your joint credit report Research and verify the ownership of all assets (e.g. stocks, bonds, annuities) and how they are registered Review life, medical, and disability insurance policies Understand employee benefits summaries, mortgage terms on the family home, vacation and rental properties Clarify the terms of pension and profit-sharing plans. This level of organization will help your advisors be more efficient with your time and may save you money in the long term. It also will begin the process of empowering you with financial decisions and allow you to control your divorce. It will also help pave the way for a new beginning, setting new life goals worth pursuing and a release of the emotional baggage of the past. When women protect themselves in divorce, they feel engaged in many other areas of their lives; ultimately, they move forward into a powerful financial future and a secure life. Kathleen Miller (CFP®, CDFA™, MBA) is president of Miller Advisors, a wealth-management firm in Kirkland, WA. Her book, Fair Share Divorce for Women, will be published by St. Martin's Press in January 2007. She can be reached at www.milleradvisors.com.

Take a "big picture" approach. Clarify the issues that are most important to you and keep your primary focus there. These issues should concern both finances and parenting. Consider refining these issues with the help of a financial or mental-health professional who can provide the focus, objectivity, and long-term vision that may be difficult for you at this tumultuous time. By clearly articulating your needs and goals, you will expend less time, money, and emotional capital over the small stuff - or by seeking to redress emotional hurts in ways that the divorce process really can't address. Amy Whitlatch (CFP®, CDFA™) has been specializing in divorce issues since 1998. Based in Cincinnati, OH, she has assisted in more than 300 cases; she can be reached via www.amywhitlatch.com. Four keys to surviving divorce. There are four basic things that you will need to survive divorce: a place to live, little or no debt, retirement assets, and liquid money. You should strive for a balance of each of these. You need a mix of each of these categories - not an abundance of one category and none in the others. There are three different general phases of the divorce process: the beginning, the middle, and after the divorce. In each of these stages, your budget may be different, so you should make sure that you have liquid money available at all times. In the beginning, you will need liquid money for the retainer to hire a lawyer. You should consider putting this liquid money in a money market account rather than a savings or checking account; this is a vehicle where you are able to earn more interest on your money. Make sure you understand what a money market account is and what it can do for you before making any decisions.        Nicole N. Middendorf (CDFA™, LPL Financial Advisor) focuses on divorce and retirement planning in Plymouth, MN. She can be reached at (763) 231-9500. Understand your disposable income after divorce. After divorce, you may be receiving different types of income - employment earnings, spousal, or perhaps child support - some of which will probably be taxable. In the midst of support negotiations, you need to know how much you'll actually be left with each month to understand the impact of a proposed settlement. To figure this out, you first need to separate the taxable and tax-free income amounts you will be receiving. Total all your taxable income, estimate and subtract the tax payable, and then add the tax-free income amount to the after-tax figure. Be aware that additional taxable income may move you to a different tax bracket, so be mindful of the tax rate you use. Compare your after-tax income to your expenses to create your new budget. If you're not sure how to do this, get help from a financial professional. Calculating your net disposal income is critical to helping you budget and to understand your new financial reality after divorce. Eva Sachs (CFP®, CDFA™) is the founder of Women in Divorce Financial, located in Toronto, ON. She can be reached via www.womenindivorce.ca. This article is part of a series of helpful tips offered by members of the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts™ - the premier national organization dedicated to the education and certification of financial professionals in the divorce arena.

A step-by-step layman's guide.
By Greg Reid

I obtained my divorce in 1997, finalizing a process that started in 1993 when my ex first mentioned the "D-word." While divorces are certainly obtained in a much shorter timeframe, I don't think that my experience is unusual for those with children of the marriage to consider and a career to keep them busy in other matters. I've learned quite a lot in the process, and would like to share my experiences with you in the hope that they might save you some time, money, and/or grief in your own divorce proceedings.

I'll caution that I have no legal training, and have tried to stay away from legal jargon as much as possible. Also keep in mind that not everything in this article will be relevant to your own situation. Consult a lawyer before getting into any actual separation or divorce proceedings.

Do you really want a divorce?

The first step is to try everything possible -- including mediation, therapy groups, the clergy, an uninterrupted vacation, your closest friends, and whatever else might help -- to try and keep your marriage together! If you have children of the marriage, all the more reason to try your hardest to work things out with your spouse. (I hasten to add, however, that keeping a bad, acrimonious marriage together "for the kids" isn't really in your children's best interests. There is plenty of literature available on this subject; or you might want to consult a child therapist.)

You might think that things have deteriorated too far in your marriage to be able to save it, and that a divorce is your only option. But except for cases of chronic physical or emotional abuse, there's almost always some hope. Investigate all such avenues. If you think that a divorce is going to be easy, and that it's going to solve all of your problems, think again! Divorce is hard, time-consuming, and can be quite expensive financially and emotionally. Go back and work one more time on saving your marriage; if successful, you may find it even stronger for the "close call," and you'll likely become more intimate with your spouse and your children because of the effort expended and your new perceptions of what your marriage really means to each of you.

Don't scream out "I want a divorce!" in the middle of a heated argument. If this piece of advice has come too late for you, don't panic. Try to talk things out as calmly as possible with your spouse. You've at least obtained his or her attention in the matter. Now try to set things right.

If you and your spouse decide to try mediation or counseling, divorce attorney Susan Kunstler has a cautionary note. "Once you're involved in the process," she says, "do a 'reality check' after a certain period of time to make sure you don't get caught in a 'loop' in which you keep repeating the same complaints and rehashing the same problems. Not only can you waste a lot of time and make the relationship worse, but you can find that you have spent a large amount of money in the process." In addition, do not agree to anything when you're mediating your divorce unless you are absolutely certain. "The worst thing you can do is agree to something in one session and back out of it in a later session."

Kunstler frequently recommends that her clients consult therapists on their own -- another "reality check" -- especially if divorce is the only solution. "Try to recognize and accept that this is probably one of the most traumatic experiences you can go through, and short-term, goal-oriented therapy can be very helpful."

Do you need a lawyer?

People are attracted to do-it-yourself (also known as "Pro Se," which is a Latin phrase meaning "for yourself") divorces because they are supposed to save both time and money. Unfortunately, most divorces are relatively complicated -- involving complex property transfers and their tax implications; plus the issues of support, custody, and access if children or an unemployed spouse are involved. "It would be a good idea to have at least one consultation with a lawyer to determine your rights first," recommends family lawyer David Wildstein. You might be able to process your own divorce if:

• it will be uncontested;
• you have been married for a relatively short period of time, and do not have children;
• you and your spouse are in complete agreement regarding the division of property and assets;
• you are both employed and capable of supporting yourselves;
• you possess sufficient mental and emotional strength, meticulous attention to detail, and perseverance to embark upon a relatively difficult and time-consuming task;
• you are able to prove "grounds" for your divorce.

If you want to try the pro se route, there are some resources available to help you. The very first thing you should do is contact the local court in which you will be filing for divorce and obtain a copy of the court's "check list" of documents and information the particular court requires.

Check with your local community college, adult education center, or community center to see if they offer classes on divorce.

There are some low-cost legal clinics and some private-practice attorneys or paralegals who will fill out your forms for a fee and review your separation agreement to make sure the paperwork is complete before it's filed with the court. A paralegal service generally only fills out the forms for you -- which may be all you need if you know all of the legal issues of your case because you have discussed your case in detail with a divorce lawyer before hiring the paralegal to fill out the paperwork. Paralegals are not trained to give legal advice, and you may overlook serious issues if you rely on a paralegal to let you know your rights and obligations.

If you create your Separation Agreement yourselves, you and your spouse should each retain an independent attorney to check all papers before signing -- even if the divorce is "friendly" and you think your agreement is very straightforward. Also remember that it can be extremely helpful to have occasional consultations with an attorney as needed as you negotiate with your spouse.

If things turn nasty while you're negotiating with your spouse, or you suspect he/she's trying to trick you into agreeing to a settlement that really isn't in your best interests, you'll definitely need to consult a lawyer -- who may have to charge you even more money to undo what you did prior to retaining him or her.

Another option for those who'd like to handle some of the divorce-related work themselves is to "unbundle" their legal services. "Unbundling means that the attorney and the client can agree that the attorney will provide some, but not all, of the services contained in a classic family law case," says M. Sue Talia, the author of A Client's Guide to Limited Legal Services. "After discussing the issues presented in your case and the options available with an attorney, you instruct him or her on which specific tasks she is to perform, and you take responsibility for the others."

Grounds for Divorce

To find out about the Grounds for Divorce in your state, click here.

Documentation Needed

You'll need to provide your lawyer with the following documentation in order to proceed with a Separation Agreement. Start gathering everything together as soon as possible so that you can find out what might be missing and submit any requests for duplicates. Here's a list of some of the information you should have ready:

Personal Data

• Full addresses, phone numbers, and Social Security numbers of both parties.
• Full names, birth dates, Social Security numbers, and addresses of all children of the marriage, and their schools and grades.
• The date and county of the marriage.
• Information about any prior marriage of either spouse, including a certified copy of the divorce decree.
• A copy of any domestic contracts (e.g., a prenuptial agreement).
• Information about any previous legal proceedings between the spouses or involving any of the children.
• Dates and particulars about any previous separations, attempts at reconciliation, or marriage counseling.

Financial Data

• Your previous year's income tax return, and any related data from the IRS. (Kunstler recommends providing your lawyer with several years' returns).
• Information about your current income, (e.g., a current pay slip).
• A list of substantial assets and liabilities of both spouses.
• Copies of any applications for credit, such as mortgage applications which often contain a wealth of helpful information.

The Separation Agreement

Clearly, the easiest way to prove marriage breakdown is by meeting the "living separate and apart" rules. While living apart, you'll probably want to be protected by a Separation Agreement, which spells out in detail matters such as financial relief, child custody and support, visitation rights, and division of property.

There's often a lot of time and work involved in finalizing a Separation Agreement, so if a suit for divorce has been started, the court has the power to order one spouse to pay support to the other while the case is ongoing. It may also determine temporary custody and enjoin the spouses from doing any of several things -- like removing the children from the state or substantially reducing the marital estate.

If you're amicably separated, it may be possible to create a simple written agreement as to support payments while the divorce is proceeding. (It needs to be written down and signed by both parties so that the amounts paid as alimony can be tax deductible by the payer.) My ex-wife and I handled things this way just fine and saved the trouble and possible animosity involved in court-ordered interim support. Having an existing Separation Agreement in force greatly simplifies the subsequent filing for a divorce. Lacking a Separation Agreement, the Petition for the Dissolution of Marriage will have to address all of the same sorts of issues anyway. So having the Separation Agreement drawn up early is a wise investment.

The Summons

The divorce action is initiated by serving a Summons upon the other party (the defendant), briefly stating the grounds upon which the divorce is sought, and a brief outline of what you (as the plaintiff) are seeking (the divorce itself, as well as items such as division of properties, custody of the children, interim support, and legal fees). You then have up to 120 days to serve the papers on the other party. The defendant is required to respond with a Notice of Appearance and an Appearance.

The Counterclaim

After (or, occasionally, at the same time as) the Summons, the Verified Complaint is served. This describes the basis for the divorce and specific relief being sought in more detail. Once served upon the defendant, he or she has 20 days to respond. In the response, the defendant may admit or deny parts of your Complaint, and may also issue a Counterclaim against you. If the defendant agrees to go forward with the divorce -- while not necessarily agreeing with it -- he or she would sign a Defendant's Affidavit.

The Discovery phase

If there is no Separation Agreement, or the divorce is being contested, each of the lawyers begins the Discovery Process, in which they gather as much information as possible about the facts of the case. This information can delve into issues such as custody, fault, and grounds for divorce. But in most cases, the emphasis will be on financial matters. You'll likely be asked to supply various financial documentation, and to detail in writing within a Statement of Net Worth all pertinent facts concerning your finances and properties. And I do mean detail! (This is where I got bogged down.)

You're expected to itemize and put a reasonable and provable dollar value on each and every significant item that (a) you brought into the marriage, and (b) that you have in your possession at the time of signing the Statement. So, off you go for the next two months or so trying to track down bills for stuff you purchased before your marriage, getting your bank to print out reams of paper for your bank account and IRA balances the day before your marriage (which is quite involved and expensive if that date was more than 10 years ago, and if, like me, you switched banks several times due to moves between cities, and like me some of those cities were foreign), gathering slips of paper to prove the outstanding balance of your mortgage and your company stocks before you married, the value of the car and motorcycle and canoe and what-have-you on the two dates, and ad infinitum.

In the meanwhile, your lawyer has enlisted the services of an actuary to determine the value of your company pension plan at both dates. These calculations can be quite complex and subject to plenty of actuarial best-guessing. "Your lawyer may also use the services of an accountant to review business records, or an appraiser to place a value on your business or real estate," adds Wildstein.

Whew! You're finally through with it -- signed and delivered to your spouse's lawyer. Now you find out that it's the duty of the other lawyer to go over your figures carefully and demand proof of anything in question. So back you go to the books and the appraisers and the banks for further proof of anything contested. Appraisals or valuations may also be requested for such things as the value of a business.

With the possible exception of folks who are meticulous record-keepers, gathering the necessary evidence to support your Net Worth document can be a nightmare. All I can advise here is "keep at it," since the problem won't get solved by itself. It's easy to procrastinate, but it's unlikely that you'll be able to proceed meaningfully until the financial information is deemed complete, accurate, and acceptable by "the other side."

The discovery process can involve several related legal instruments, such as Interrogatories (written questions requiring written responses from the other side to clarify one or more areas of concern) and Examinations Before Trial, also known as Depositions (the same idea, but done verbally under oath, with a court reporter taking notes).

And here's where the trust and goodwill you've been building during your separation -- by treating your ex with courtesy, scrupulous honesty, and kindness -- starts to pay off. In our case, my ex-wife recognized that the delays and expense in obtaining some of the documentation simply wasn't worth the couple of hundred bucks she might have gained in the ultimate property division. She knows -- because I demonstrated it to her over and over again -- that I have no desire to cheat her or our children out of anything. This allowed us to reach a fair settlement without my spending another $1,500 and several months trying to gather more documentation. We agreed that the dollars are far better spent on our children than on appraiser and bank fees.

Division of Property

"Who Gets What?" in the Money Matters section of this website details the complex topic of property division, which can vary substantially from state to state. Talk to your lawyer to find out how property is distributed in your state.

Financial support

The other reason for the financial disclosure is to itemize your income and expenses (actual and proposed) so that the lawyers or the court can decide if one of the spouses should provide financial support to the other. If children are involved, the non-custodial parent will usually have to pay a set monthly amount for Child Support, according to support guidelines. Another amount may be determined payable for Spousal Support or Maintenance (formerly called "Alimony").

Each of these amounts will have a set start and end date. Typically, child support continues until the children are 21 or until they finish their university education, but it may terminate prematurely if a child chooses to move away from home and separate him or herself from parental influence or control or drops out of school. Maintenance payments may continue for a year or more, or even for life (in the case of longer marriages). These payments are generally intended to "allow the former spouse to continue the lifestyle to which he or she was accustomed," Wildstein says, or in a shorter marriage, to help the former spouse get back on his or her feet again: the payments could be used for university tuition and may include additional money for daycare for the children while he or she attends classes, which should help the former spouse to become gainfully employed in due course.

Child Custody and Visitation rights

The Support Agreement or the Divorce Judgment will stipulate the custody of the children (under 18 years of age) and the visitation rights by the non-custodial parent. If you have kids, these items are surely the most important in your agreement, especially if your separation has been anything less than amicable. If there's even a hint that one parent will file for sole custody, you really need to consult a competent lawyer.

Initially, both natural parents have equal rights to custody. When you separate, you can still maintain this joint custody arrangement, although one of the parents may spend a disproportionate amount of time actually caring for the children.

You and your spouse need to work out the custody arrangements. If you can't work it out (for instance, if both of you insist on sole custody), then the court will have to decide for you. In all cases, the judge will put the best interests of the children first and foremost. Even if sole custody is granted, the court recognizes that in the majority of cases, the children are best off when both parents are involved in their upbringing. Discuss any concerns with your lawyer.

As with the custody decision, the courts prefer that you and your spouse work out access or visitation rights. My ex-wife and I have written into our agreement that I have access to the children every second weekend (including the extra days of long weekends), three weeks during the summer holidays, and a week at Christmas. The agreement also spells out reasonable amounts of unencumbered communication by telephone, fax, e-mail, and regular mail. As I mentioned, she and I have a very amicable relationship, so I can and do enjoy seeing the kids at other times. I know that she appreciates me spending the extra time with them as much as the children enjoy seeing me. The point of putting my access rights into the agreement is to protect my interests if for whatever reason our relationship should turn sour. While this is an extremely remote possibility in my situation, having everything in writing is a simple insurance policy: my rights are protected by law.

Settlement or trial?

With all of the necessary financial, custody, support, and visitation issues on the table, it's time to determine whether you're able to work out any disagreements and reach a settlement, or if a trial is required to hear the matters before a judge.

It's encouraging to note that less than 5% of all divorces go to trial. You should consider very carefully any suggestion that your problems can only be resolved by a trial. If at all possible, work out your differences with the help of your lawyers, and/or a competent mediator, and/or other counseling. The panel consists of two lawyers who volunteer their time to make recommendations on how a case should be settled -- fairly and quickly. The timing of this one-time panel meeting varies from county to county, but it generally takes place several months before the trial. Of course you shouldn't forgo your legal right to a trial if there is true necessity -- such as an impasse over whose custody is truly best for the children, or an honest disagreement in the valuation of a major asset. But the courtroom should only be used as a last resort; it's definitely not the place to try and get even with your ex for dumping you for his or her secretary. And remember that every dollar spent is a dollar that would've been much better spent on the children.

The Divorce Judgment

Once you and your spouse sign your agreement and all the required affidavits and other forms for an uncontested divorce, all of your documents are submitted to the court clerk for review. If everything is in order, the papers are then sent to a judge, who will then sign the Judgment of Divorce (or Divorce Decree), and your marriage is over.

"If an agreement isn't reached, the court will enter a Judgment at the conclusion of the trial," Wildstein says.

Once the judge has signed the Judgment, you are legally divorced. Shortly thereafter, the county clerk will "enter" it, making the divorce judgment part of the court's official records. Now, it's time to celebrate -- or more likely, to reflect back on the happy times of your marriage and wonder again how things went so wrong. In any case, you are now free to remarry if you wish.

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Greg Reid is a divorced father of three. He believes that divorce can be civilized if both parties are committed to making it so. "And staying friendly is the only way to do it if you have children," he says.

Telling divorcing couples that they should collaborate during the divorce process is kind of like telling a dieting person that they can go to Krispy Kreme as long as they don't order from the menu. Indeed, it is the rare couple who can sit down together and talk calmly and rationally about the demise of their relationship. Yet all over the country, workshops are being held to help couples find this gentle middle ground when it comes to handling their divorce. Therapists, lawyers and accounts are attending collaborative divorce workshops in order to learn how they might better help couples.

So just what is collaborative divorce, anyway? The goal of collaborative divorce is simple -- more civil behavior, less emotional drama. Mental health professionals, financial experts and attorneys for the couple join forces as peacemakers armed with knowledge and resources to help divorcing pairs construct a solution. What separates collaborative proceedings from mediation is that mediation often is ordered in the litigation process while the collaborative process, as the name suggests, is initiated by the couple. The most enticing prospect of collaborative divorce is that the process aims to take a higher ground that doesn't involve lengthy courtroom visits. Overall, the process tends to be less expensive than a traditional divorce, but the true benefits of collaborative divorce have nothing to do with money.

Advocates for the couple address all of the issues involved in a divorce. From who gets what to child custody to the emotional impact of the break-up, no stone is left unturned and the professionals are committed to keeping the process humane and adult. Therapists applaud the collaborative divorce process as they note that a divorce settled out of court is better for the emotional well-being of the couple and their children. Mental health professional also are quick to point out that a traditional divorce does not address the emotional loss while the collaborative process does.

Still, divorce is never easy. Accountants who work on collaborative divorces note that the financial aspects of the proceedings are always the most difficult to iron out. Other couples have found the process frustrating and costly as they wind up going to court to fix the problems not addressed in collaboration. These pains aside, many agree that collaborative divorce could be a big aid for couples already going through a difficult time and that it is well worth the effort.