Three Tips for Sharing Custody This Holiday Season

It's that time of year again. It's a time for food, family, and of course, holiday shopping. However, it's also that time of year where many parents disagree about who "gets" the children during the holidays.

Every year during the merry months of November and December, you'll see attorneys frantically running into family court with ex parte motions (emergency motions) asking Judicial Officers to intervene and decide which parent gets to spend a holiday with their child. This is truly one of the most unpleasant events in any family law Judge or attorneys' career. So, if you are a parent who is contemplating this course of action, I'd strongly suggest you keep reading.

Before you instruct your attorney to run into court, know that most courts will refuse to consider ex parte motions brought forward simply because parents are unable to agree on something. Just recently, I was forewarned by a Judicial Officer that she was not going to make any exceptions for holiday visitation schedules. This is because Courts want to discourage litigants from filing these motions and encourage co-parenting.

Ex parte motions on custody matters are statutorily permitted only where there is an emergency, such as risk of imminent harm or child abduction. While emotionally difficult, not spending Christmas morning with your child to open gifts is not an emergency. As you can imagine, this legality is quite difficult to communicate to a parent who wants nothing more in World than to share the holidays with their child. However, you should know that courts disfavor such motions because they deal with such highly personal issues. How can a court make both parties happy? In the rare case that the court intervenes, both parties often walk away feeling unhappy with the decision; a lose-lose scenario.

Before you file your ex parte motion, I suggest that you take some time to consider my three tips below:

1. Whose interest are you really serving? Are you looking out for yourself or for your child? We know that you want to be with your child 24/7, but the reality is that children love and need both sides of their family. A shared holiday schedule is essential in making your child feel secure and loved.

2. Put on your 'good parenting' hat. The best way to demonstrate to the court that you are mature and responsible is to share custody. This will require concessions on both sides so that your child's needs and interests are placed before your own.

3. Have a little empathy. Place the emotional turmoil aside and try to empathize with the other parent. As much as it hurts to even fathom being without your child on a holiday, understand that the other parent is probably having the exact same feelings.

My message to you is that the best gift you can give your child is to cooperate and share the holidays with the other parent. A little peace during this holiday season will go a long way in maintaining stability and making your child feel loved!

Written by: Donald P. Schweitzer